so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
