girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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