Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
