i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
