Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
