His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're like the curious george of whores
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
