Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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