i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
