i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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