we're making bets on your personal life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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