Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
