Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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