how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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