You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
