i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
