She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
