I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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