Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
