Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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