I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What a dumb baby whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
