Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
