So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
