Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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