Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
