I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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