I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
