So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
