I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
