Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
