so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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