Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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