So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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