I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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