yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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