hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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