I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
