sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you never un-have a 4some
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
