Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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