Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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