I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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