I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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