I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize