Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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