this boner is exhausting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
