He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
