my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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