Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
