Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Still dying that you shit outside
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
