I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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