Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
