I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
