I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
