wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
