Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
