you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
