So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize