The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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