All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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