Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i believe in u and ur pee
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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