Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
