Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
