Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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