You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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