I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
