after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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