the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
