My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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