The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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