At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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